Red Fish Okay Mom, Whatever you say Mom

Missed connections

Missed opportunities

Could have been something special

Purposely avoiding eye contact

Taking the inconvenient path to stay away

Trying not to try too hard

Enjoying the conversation

Just of the friendly sort

Pulling petals from a flower

Scared by the result

Where to go from here?

Slowly fading

Drifting away

From the places you’ve been

A place you won’t stay

You wish you knew better

You missed quite a bit

A ways down the river

Alone is what fits

When enlisted as a photographer

You find yourself on the other side

Of the action

It’s the same event

Of people you know and who you don’t

And you try to find a place to sit

But in the process

You are handed a camera

Looking through the lens

At the party you thought

But you only got to see it

In photos

And you can tell people you were there

And laugh at the same stories

But it might be hard to prove it to yourself

When it’s over.

It’s one of those things

Where it’s probably best

Not to say anything

And just to observe

And have others observe you

Because anything you say

Will be questioned

Sent for a background check

Looking for underlying emotions

Motives

You just keep trying to deny

And it keep it all inside

Hoping the lie detector won’t pick up on it

And it’s nothing but a waste of time

A drunken rhyme

Where little makes sense

Feelings are strong

High and lows that tug at the heart

Play it cool to play it smart

The backup plan

For things out of hand

Waiting for what seems like nothing

Finding out what was right

The fail safe retort

Everything falling short

Just a waste of time.

It’s like when you are sitting alone in a cafe

That was recommended to you by a friend

And you think about the recent events

And you think about last night

And you think about the decisions you made

The decisions you let yourself make

The feelings you felt when it was happening

And the feelings you felt after

Was it regret?

And you know eyes were upon you

Judging your every move

The intonation in their voice

Implying everything

And you try to skirt around the issue

In your head

As you push your food back and forth

Across your plate

Trying to tell yourself everything will be okay

And it didn’t matter

It didn’t mean anything

And the feelings begin to fade at the edges

Only enough to enjoy the rest of your meal.

But as soon as you leave the cafe

Recommended by that friend

Everything comes back to crush you

And you’re left in a confusing place

Waiting for the tram to bring you home

To play them over once more.

I need to get myself out of here

Dependence is fine

Until you begin thinking too hard

About the decisions you make

Wondering if you should

Or if you should have skipped it all together

And the knowledge you have

Is more than people think you do

But you can’t say anything

And you don’t know what kind of information

That everyone else has

About you and what you do

I need to get out of here

And go somewhere new

Where dependence isn’t the same.